Science Corner Quickie : Practice Does Not Make Perfect (Audio)

An Oboe

An Oboe

You're so about to be Scienced right now. Batten down your science hatches and ready your Oboe. I feel like Oboe deserves to be capped. In this edition of Science Corner, I discuss a new study proving practice doesn't always work. At some point, you'll just have to quit or embrace mediocrity.


 

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Science Corner – Cyborg Drumming Edition (Video)

A professor at a Georgia Tech Lab has invented a prosthetic arm attachment that allows an amputee to play the drums. Professor Gil Weinberg, who invented the device, and speaks with an accent that smacks of Super Villainy created the arm to take the place of fingers. The device holds two drum sticks, one that is controlled by sensors in the musician's arm and another that "listens" to the music being played and improvises its own tune.

Obviously people will now complain about how lucky that one-armed guy is because he gets to use that drum arm that helps him play better. You know because being able to play awesome drum parts is way better than having two arms. There is no doubt in my mind that this device will be used for evil someday. Maybe just in a petty crime sort of way but it will be used for evil. For now though, it's pretty damn cool that any device could allow someone to do something they couldn't do before it was invented.

Science, ma man.

You've just been Scienced.

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Your Hot Tub Rash Is Disgusting (Science Corner)

As a general rule I steer clear of public hot tubs based solely on the fact that half-naked strangers have been sitting (at best) in luke warm water. You don't get to bitch about skin discomfort after hopping out of the public hot tub. There can't possibly be a better breeding ground for germs. You may as well just lick complete strangers and cut to the chase. Gross.

Anyway, a new study by the CDC says betwixt 2009-2010, 40 percent of recreational water related disease outbreaks occurred betwixt February and March. You get hot tub rash (I'm not posting the Latin name..don't pretend you speak Latin) by getting in skeezy hot tubs and frankly, you have it coming. Stop getting in skeezy hot tubs. That's, coincidentally, my creedo and I have it tramp stamped as a lasting reminder. It's a good rule of thumb to live by,

I should really end it there but I should point out, not ALL hot tubs are skeezy but if you're suffering from good time symptoms like pus-filled blisters around hair follicles you may have Hot Tub Rash, ma man. Congratulations.

Experts say to avoid pus-filled blisters, NEVER leave your house. Ever. In fact abstain from human contact of any kind if you want to be safe. They also say take a shower before you get in the hot tub but how in the hell will that help me? That just helps the next guy and, man, I have WAY too much going on to worry about that. Additionally they warn those suffering from diarrhea to stay away from public bodies of water. File that under 'Stuff You Should Never Need To Be Told'.

The best thing to do is get your own hot tub and NEVER let anyone else get in. It might get weird when your friends come over and you make them sit in lawn chairs while you enjoy the satisfying pulsation of precision jets but it's better than pus filled blisters around hair follicles and they can get their own damn hot tub.

I DID just write about that to gross you out. Gross.

Happy hot tubbing buddy.

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Great News For Stalkers! [Science Corner] (Audio)

Prepare to be scienced. Batten down your Science Hatches. I am so going to science you right now.

In this edition of Science Corner I discuss a great new app for stalkers and a great new app for slouchers. You should get both if you're a slouchy stalker.


 

 


 

Video of the stalker app here:

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This Is How A Shark Will Kill You (Science Corner)

shark

 

I'm not afraid of sharks at all when I'm on dry land. Much like my fearlessness when it comes to bears whilst frolicking in the ocean. Oh, how i Like to frolic in the ocean. In fact, I like to stand just out of reach and mock the sharks just to prove I'm not afraid. They HATE it. It's really hilarious. Unless you're a shark. Sharks represent really the ONLY situation in which Aquaman can feel anything but lame. He's the worst super hero ever. He knows it. I think he's accepted it at this point. Superman can fly and stop bullets with his chest, Aquaman can make dolphins do tricks. Or can he? Maybe the dolphins would be doing that stuff anyway and they just humor the poor bastard. They're creepily smart and not to be trusted.

Anyway...sharks. This is how sharks PREFER to kill you. I mean, they WILL kill you in other ways if need be, this is the PREFERRED method.

Sharks prefer to swim up behind humans, according to new research. Cowards. Researchers from the Shark Research Institute in Florida say their study findings back up what divers and surfers have been saying for years-  sharks like to approach people from the rear. Don't make that pervy, man. Really? That's disgusting. YOU are disgusting.

These same researchers claim the sharks aren't NECESSARILY going to kill you- they're just curious. Curious what you will taste like. Up to this point scientists weren't sure if sharks could differentiate the front or back of a human being which means sharks is so stupid OR our faces look similar to butts.

Regardless of all this stuff, Aquaman still sucks.

You've just been Scienced. Ma man.

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Google Is Assembling A Robot Army – Science Corner (Video)

Remember when Google was the fresh new company started by dudes in a garage and they were super awesome? Well, they're evil now. It was bound to happen. I mean, once all of that money starts piling up around you, evil becomes easier and easier to propagate. Eventually you're living in a you shaped secret mountain lair, and commissioning on piece suits with your logo emblazoned across the chest.

The proof is in the incredibly creepy robot video.  They've just purchased the company that makes these things. If you don't think it's creepy, it will be MUCH creepier when you're running for your life from one of these things while the Google nerds laugh maniacally (and NERD-ily). Nerds.

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