Knock It Off Dummies : Don’t Row Tiny Boats Over Whales Edition (Video)

Hey. If you're rowing a boat in the ocean, first of all it better be because you are at a super fancy resort where they have those little rope deals showing you where it's safe to row OR you should be fleeing from the law after a carefully thought out bank heist. Even though if it WERE carefully thought out you probably wouldn't be rowing in the ocean. It;s just a dumb place to row. Row in a lake. Row in a river. Row on one of those machines Frank has in House Of Cards.

If you row in ANY of those other places I mentioned (save maybe Frank's house) you won't get smacked in the face by a whale. Do you know how many whales have wanted to smack us in our stupid faces? ALL OF THEM. Every whale. Ever. They float around with their VW Bug sized lungs making that crazy ass moaning sound and all they're saying is, "Man if I could punch those idiots in their idiot faces."

If whales were floating around us, ogling us, constantly mentioning how crazy our language is, we'd want to smack them in the face too. Of course if we did, they would swallow us and we'd live out our days with the other people inside that whale.

Hey. Don't row over whales.

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Knock It Off Dummies (Meth As A Tip Edition)

My favorite new feature on the show is something I like to call 'Knock It Off Dummies'. Basically I tell you about someone doing something dumb....and then I say...knock it off dummies.

Bring on the dummies!

Wait, should I call it Bring On The Dummies? Maybe. Okay...dummies below:

Dummies

Dummies

You'd never guess this based on those mug shots but these dummies are meth users. The first dumb thing they did was use meth. I mean, I'm sure they did dumb stuff before that but as it relates to this story, that's the first thing. The second dumb thing they did was leave meth rocks (is that the right lingo?) as a tip to a waitress. Now, their big mistake (other than the aforementioned meth use) was tipping a waitress with meth at an upscale restaurant. There are some seedy joints in certain parts of town where that sort of thing may be okay. So in the defense of Ryan Bensen and Erica Manley maybe no one told them, 'no tipping with illegal substances in this establishment'. Maybe they should have posted a sign and/or placard to that effect. They didn't. That's a lesson for Twisted Fish Steakhouse in Seaside, Oregon. They kind of brought this on themselves.

Let that be a lesson for any business owners reading this story. It may be worth your time and money to invest in a new sign.

Don't use meth and don't leave it as a gratuity. Knock it off. Dummies.

 

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